Only Crazy People Get Divorced

Maybe you’ve known somebody who was getting divorced and who took all kinds of emotional hostages along the way as they wreaked havoc in the lives of their entire family and friends. It never ceases to amaze me how two people who once were madly enough in love to pledge their lives to one another, can turn on each other and attack no differently than a rattle snake would. I recently encountered requests for advice in one of these awful situations.

I have a friend whose sister is embarking on her first divorce. My friend has been experiencing emotional distress over the fact that she feels her sister is being ruthless and terribly unfair to her future ex-husband. I was saying to my friend the other day, “Never mind that he had an affair with his wife’s best friend.” To which my friend responded, “Well! My sister had an affair too! But she didn’t tell any of the family about her affair. She just cried on everybody’s shoulder over his affair. We all felt pitifully sorry for her at the time, and here she was doing the same thing!” What could I say?

It seems that this couple has a three figure income, most of which belongs to my friend’s sister. From what my friend shared with me, it sounds as though her sister plans to take her ex-to-be to the cleaners. It sounds as if somebody warned him that he’d better get himself a good divorce attorney before it’s too late.

My friend shared with me that her sister’s ex-to-be called and asked to talk with her. So, she met him for coffee at a restaurant where he proceeded to pour his heart out to her. It seems that my friend knows her sister to be a very self-centered, histrionic and demanding woman who never settles for less than getting her own way. (I’m sitting there thinking, “Boy, it sure must have been fun growing-up with her!”

The saddest part of all is that the parents in the family are getting quite elderly, and it’s breaking their hearts that the family is falling apart. I guess that the divorcing sister isn’t sparing them any of the nasty details. It seems they’d all been a very close knit family and celebrated all their holidays together. Each sibling married and had several children and so even the kids are really close and have more or less grown up together.

My friend explained that when she told her thirteen year old daughter about the impending split-up, she cried and expressed fear that she might never see her uncle again. My friend is beside herself watching her own children being deeply affected by all of this nonsense and so she’s pretty angry about it.

It seems that her family all go out to a lake cabin together each summer, and this is being arranged again this year. The problem is that one of the other sisters is extremely angry at the one who is divorcing her husband and plans to blow-up at her at the lake cabin. My friend asked me what I think she should do.

My opinion, which I shared with my friend, is that I think she should stay away from any possible explosions, keep her distance from her family for the time being, and most of all, not expose her children to any possible emotional trauma. My friend agreed that this makes sense, and that eventually it should all cool-down and blow over.

Tongue in cheek, I also shared that, for all she knows, five to ten years from now these two could remarry and everyone in the family would have gone crazy for nothing! (Not that I really think that will happen . . . . but, then again, who knows??)

We talked about all the mean crazy things these two have done to each other and how, as a result, they are both, naturally, acting crazy . . . essentially, they’ve driven each other crazy! More than likely it will take several years and lots of psychotherapy for either of them to straighten out their lives (not to mention the lives of their four children).

We agreed that although we’ve both known a few couples who sorted out the marital problems together, filed for divorce together and remained friends after-the-fact. We also agreed that we can count these couples on one hand! We also agreed that we could talk the subject to death, and, the fact would remain that most couples who end up divorcing, have driven each other (and everyone close to them who would let them) crazy by the time they reached divorce court.

It seems to me that the old saying is true in this case, like in so many others, “You simply cannot make sense out of nonsense.”

Copyright 2012 by JC Fredlund (JC Eberhart, Past Pen Name): ©JC Fredlund and JC Fredlund’s Artistry Blog, 1974 – 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to JC Fredlund and http://www.JCFredlund.wordpress.com blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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