The Good, Bad and the Ugly of Online Dating

I’ll never forget my first experience with a dating site.

I’d just ended a five year relationship and had no idea how to use a “Dating Site”, let alone, which one to choose. I don’t recall the name of the site I first tried – it was fifteen years ago.

I’d agreed to meet a man at a restaurant for lunch. I met him there, and was SHOCKED to see that he had misrepresented his age with a photograph! This guy was AT LEAST twenty years older than I, and told me that his wife had just died. So, what did I do? I felt sorry for him. He asked if he could take me for a ride in his car. I remember thinking to myself, I could take this guy (ie. fight and win physically) so, feeling sorry for him, I agreed to go for this ride.

Where did he take me? He took me to a huge stone memorial out on a highway in the middle of nowhere, and stopped the car. I immediately said, “Okay, you need to start up the car. I just met you and I have no desire to go out “parking” with you.” He replied, “I just wanted to show you the first place I ever took my wife and kissed her. I said, “Either you take me back to the restaurant or I’m getting out and WALKING!” (By this time, I’m really angry.)

He starts up the car and starts driving. On the drive back to the restaurant, he starts telling me how hard it was to have lost his wife. He then proceeded to explain that he has, since her death, begun corresponding with two women from Russia who now live with him and how exciting they are as sex partners. (I’M thinking to myself , “OH FOR GOD’S SAKE! Would you PLEASE HURRY UP AND GET TO THE RESTAURANT!”) We arrived at the restaurant and I got out of the car without saying anything further.

Over a fifteen year span, I went on dates with other guys from dating sites about eight to ten different times (not more dates than that because it would always take me at least three months to recover from each date!)

. . . Until I joined, I met guys who were ten to twenty years my junior and who hadn’t been honest about that until we met for coffee at restaurants, one guy who gave me one year to make up my mind to marry him (that lasted only a couple of months mainly because I really don’t react very well to ultimatums,) and a guy who took me to his house, sat me down on his sofa (his only piece of furniture in a huge house) and played a song that was pretty sexy and I thought “Oh brother, THIS guy’s really got a strategy going for himself!” (It seems his wife had just left him and taken everything in the house. I bowed out gracefully and left. (By the way, this guy proposed on that first date! THAT should’ve been my FIRST clue!) Of course, I wasn’t naive’ at ALL!!! lolBest2

Suffice to say, dating sites weren’t working very well for me – until I finally saw a site (SPM). I didn’t give up because when I was a Campfire Girl I took an oath to “Always finish what I begin!” (Actually, I’m extremely determined and don’t like to lose! lol) was designed for “seniors”.

Someone recently commented that I just got lucky, cuz all dating sites are bad. Not true. I hadn’t just gotten lucky; I’d earned my stripes! lol

I am 64 yrs. old now, and had remained single/divorced for nineteen (19) years following my divorce from a guy who had a long term affair with a much younger woman than I. At the twentieth year point, I remarried a guy who is honestly the most trustworthy man I’ve met yet – more so even, than I. But we dated for two YEARS first, he is financially better off than I was, I knew exactly what I wanted in a person (integrity, honesty, a family man), and it turned-out that we had many mutual friends, (oddly enough we had to join a dating site to meet each other though!)

Before I met Ralph, I met another very nice man who’d been a teacher in a high school, retired and had begun a career that required him to be in other states for a week at a time. (I’d been married years ago to an over-the-road truck driver and really did not want to return to that kind of life; although we were quite attracted to each other and I liked him a lot as a person and friend, we agreed to part ways.

How did I know, after 19 yrs. of being divorced and two marriage proposals from others I’d dated that Ralph was the one? Because he values HIS relationship with HIS two children, every bit as much as I do MINE! (He’s very much a gentleman, who enjoys (as do I,) having our American Staffordshire Terrier sleep in bed with us every night – ie. when he loves, he loves with his whole heart.)

So, what did I learn from fifteen years of dating site washouts? I learned that there are numerous “cads” out there, and women too, who hop from one dating site to another in order to secretly, “play-the-field”. I also learned that determination and persistence are priceless; yes, even when online dating.

Copyright 2014 by JC Fredlund (JC Eberhart, Past Pen Name): ©JC Fredlund and JC Fredlund’s Artistry Blog, 1974 – 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to JC Fredlund and blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.direction to the original content.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: